Car Troubles...

Someone posted on Facebook the other day "you can't see the silver lining without going through the clouds" or something along those lines.  Well, in the last few years I feel like I'm living in those clouds, not like "cloud 9" but dark, stormy, yucky, sleeting, snowy, hail, clouds.   Last Thursday...the day before my 35th birthday...my car died on the way to work.  I was fortunate to get to a parking lot, but it was pooring rain and there I was hoping it was just the rain that triggered my car to completely die.  I couldn't believe there was something else wrong with my car.  The car I got because my old car had so many problems I was spending too much on mechanics so decided to get something newer.

It was just another obstacle in my life.  Another major ticket item I didn't have money for in my budget.  My dad was able to borrow a friend's car and I drove his this week, and by Monday the mechanic determined it was a broken alternator, and it couldn't be rebuilt, and I would need a new battery (thanks to the broken alternator draining my battery).  And the hefty bottome line price for this:  $572.  Once again, my dad helped but I need to find a way to pay him back.  He's on a fixed, retirement income, so that much money is as much a blow to him as it is to me. 

So just another thing that becomes a huge headache to the struggling, single mom.  You see to many people $500 isn't a big chunk of change, even if not budgeted.  To me that is almost a month's rent, my car payment plus two weeks of daycare, five months of cell phone bills or internet/cable bills...etc.  As I've mentioned in previous blogs, my budget is tight...by no means is it balanced.  The difference between me and the government though is that I can't "create" money from nothing.  If I don't have it, I don't have it.  That's it. 

Now here's where I start to complain and pout a bit more....the one thing that would have made this a little less of a sting:  My child support is suppose to be $600 a month.  Currently I'm receiving $0.00.  Nothing.  In the last year I've received $222.00.  I've gone to court a few times, but then my attorney drops the ball and we miss follow ups or the opportunity to throw his deadbeat butt in jail.  Now, I know some critics will say "well what will that do?" (of course I'm pretty sure I don't have many followers so therefore no critics...lol).  Well, that will show him I'm not one of these woman who thinks it's OK for a man to create a child and not support that child.  Would it be different if he actually spent time with her?  Possibly, but to me it's more than "babysitting" it's about truly being a parent.  We were married for 13 months, and together for 8 months when I got pregnant.  This child isn't the product of some random hook up and I'm forcing him to be a part of her life.  No, he willingly choose to create a child with me and be a part of her life.  But for some reason my ex has convinced himself that seeing Kareena every other Saturday for 5-6 hours is enough to be considered a good dad.  He has no sense of guilt for not supporting her financially - he has gone so far to call me greedy for expecting it. 

Now the sadder part - I've met some great guys who have been either single, custodial parents, or the non-custodial parent, and they are so invested in their kids lives, and so committed to supporting them.  It breaks my heart that I had to fall for the one guy who has no sense of responsibility and accountability.  So when things like my car breaking down, or rent raises, or daycare increases happen I get angry...at him.  He who skates by, avoids jail, financial responsibility, having a job, yet finds time, money and supportive friends to go to bars, play darts, drink, gamble, etc.  I guess that's why I've been so picky in dating.  I joke that I will marry for money the second time around, but in some ways that is true.  I look more at success, stability, and responsibility then I do at other characteristics with guys. 

For now, I have my car, and will find a way to cover the costs, just as I always do.  Usually "borrowing from Peter to pay Paul" as the saying goes.  And my cycle will continue and my clouds will surround me...but someday, I hope, I pray that lining will be visible and my sun will shine.