Pay Day and other things today brings...

So, last night my little angel, who has been fighting a cold and cough, was cuddling with mama, when around 1:00 AM I was awaken by this small person screaming and thrashing in the night.  Kareena isn't a sound sleeper normally, but this was not her normal tossing and turning.  I was able to wake her up enough to discover she was in pain.  Her ear was hurting.  Since I had taken some night time cold medicine I was a little drowsy, but being "super mom" I overcame my tired, sick wanting to stay in bed and sleep feelings, stumbled to the bathroom to get the thermometer and some children's Tylenol (store brand cold medicine actually).  That helped right away, and she was off in dream land.  But I wasn't yet.  I quickly researched on my cell phone (need to justify having the Internet in my plan somehow) ear aches in children, the cause, how serious they are.  You see, we've been lucky, in her almost 5 years I think Kareena's had 2 or 3 ear infections, so my mama knowledge on this was minimal.  I discovered lots of home remedies to relieve the pain and pressure, and since there was no fever, canceled plans to trek to the hospital (please note I am a self proclaimed hypochondriac, who tends to think the worse...WebMD is not a good resource for people like me). 

This morning things seemed better.  We are both still stuffy, and tend to take care of each other.  Of course we were running late, but fortunately I have a job now that has a little more flexibility and understanding that I'm Kareena's mom before I'm "their" paralegal.  But being that I'm the only income maker in our household, I feel torn sometimes on if I should work when my child is sick or be with her and nurse her back to health.  It's the worse feeling in the world I think.  It's hard enough when your kid is sick and you can't help her, but to have to leave her at daycare, knowing she's tired, sick, and cranky...well, tough decision, but if I don't work, I don't get paid (I do have paid time off days, but not many yet being I'm still in my first year, and I need to save those for "true" days needed, a cold doesn't seem to qualify).

Payday is today also, and normally that would be exciting...but when you live like I do (or have trouble managing bills and money) it's a stressful day.  I have to figure out how much is left after all the overdraft charges have pushed my account way below zero (but I get some comfort in know that results from some bills being paid).  Once I know how much I truly have from my check then I figure out what bills get paid  (let's just say about $790 was eaten up by overdraft and bank fees - if anyone works for US Bank and gets a raise next year - you are very welcome!).

So since I've pledged complete and total honesty in this blog about my trials and joys in single, working motherhood, here is how by payday break down is gonna go: I now have $400 in my account.  I worked out a deal with my car loan, so I do have to pay that today (16 days late), so that will leave me with $97.  I have a loan I've negotiated a minimum payment this month, so that's $14, and then my deposit for my new place - $89.  Yes, I'm gonna be short.  That's when I try to figure out what can be moved, and I hope and pray my ex-husband is telling the truth this time that money has been deposited into the child support checking account.  That is a debit card account set up through the state, so everything is open and fair.  I don't mind it that way, just takes a while for everything to post.

So perhaps now you can see why payday isn't exactly my happiest day each month, as I have to bounce bills around, figure out ways to make cash fast (legally of course: Craigslist, ebay, sell gold), and try not to borrow anymore money before my next payday.

Of course my newest fear is that my daughter's cold will become severe enough that we need to go to the doctor.  I have a balance due with her doctor's office which I pay each month, and fortunately with this new job our insurance allows for only a $20 copay.  So, let's chat about that for a minute.  As a single, working mother, I don't qualify for state insurance (TennCare) and I'm ok with that cause it's not great, but the idea of not having to weigh the option of taking my child to the doctor would be nice.  With my previous job, my insurance was one of those where they paid the premium for me, but not the family, and it was a deductible plan (not sure of the official name, but that was my name for it).   That meant I had to meet my deductible before anything was covered.  For a single person that was $2500.  Now if I wanted to add Kareena to my insurance it would have cost me $280 per month for the premium, and then I would have to meet a $3300 family deductible.  So I opted, through advice of many people I trusted (and stand by this decision today), to not have insurance for my child for about 3 years (she had it for a few months at a time if her father had a job that had insurance, and at one point I did a private plan for her).  This saved me a ton of money, as her doctor allowed me to make payments, so I wouldn't have to pay for each visit, and I was only left with a bill after all is said and done of about $500, which is much better than the m$3360 for the premium, plus that $500 I would have had to still pay.  Now we have a plan I pay $200 a month for through work, plus I signed up for Aflac, and we only have a $20 doctor visit co-pay.  But there were times before this job, when she was uninsured, where I probably should have taken to a doctor and didn't because I didnt' have the money and worked for a law firm that punished you for being absent, even if you were taking care of your child.  Either way, I couldn't afford to take her to the doctor, and we are very blessed nothing was ever seriously wrong with her.

But how can a situation like listed above, be ok in a country like America?  I'm not for a true public health care insurance system (like Obama Care), because my mother worked in the insurance industry, so I see health insurance from two perspectives.  But it goes back to the issue of being a single mother, I have to carry the weight of the medical bills and trying to decide if my daughter is sick enough to stay home from school and if my work load is small enough that I can miss a day.

Somedays I feel like a hamster in a wheel...just spinning and running and not really getting anywhere...and I can see others running by, reaching goals and living their dreams....and I see all of my goals and dreams, and I wonder if and when I will get there.

God's peace and Blessings to anyone reading!!
Heidi

Need to complain...

Have you ever felt like your life isn't fair?  I try to be happy with my life, look at my blessings and not the bad stuff, but sometimes I just feel like I'm stuck.  As a single mother, I'm stuck in a lot of ways.  In my work, as a parent, as a friend, my free time, and of course dating.  Everything revolves around my daughter, and is done for her, good or bad.  And, when you are a single mom making around $40,000, before taxes and deductions (not quite middle class but above poverty line for sure), your resources are very limited.  That's my complaint.  This blog will not be a year's worth of complaints, but it will outline the challenges, struggles and obstacles for a single parent, and it will also outline the great joys I have in my role.

The reason I developed this blog is because in the last year I've gotten into a little debt and barely making ends meet.  Not credit card debt, just a matter of only paying the bills I have the money for so other bills pile up.  In looking for a less expensive apartment or home, in a safe area, near a good school (my child starts Kindergarten next year), I realized that there are some very nice places for "income restricted" guidelines.  This means that at my current yearly, before tax, income, I could qualify if I had 4 more people living with me that don't have jobs.  That bothers me.  I work hard, have gone to school, and I have to pay for my own rent, my car, food, daycare, clothes, etc.  But seeing so many people, and a few I know personally, not working or working minimal hours and living in homes twice as big as mine, getting free food, free daycare, free health care...that kind of irks me.  It's like being stuck in the middle: not making enough to survive on but too much to get assistance.  I'm fortunate to have some help through my church and family, but what about other moms (or dads) like me that get no child support and make too much for assistance, and don't have that support system?

I recently heard on a radio talkshow that the host read that single parents are struggling the most in this economy - but I have yet to hear anyone take up our cause.  Poor people, yes.  Minorities, yes.  Sexual Orientation, yes.  But just being a middle income, single parent household - not so much. 

Besides the money, as a single mom, with a minimally active father of my child, I am the sole disciplinarian, comforter, playmate, bedtime story reader, nurse, etc.  When my child is sick, I get the call from preschool to pick her up and I'm the one who misses work to take care of her.  When she misbehaves at school, I'm the one who has to get the letter, phone call, meeting with the teacher (and she's only 4).  When I have a balance due at my daughter's doctors office, it is my name that gets sent to collections if I miss a payment.  I have to adjust my life for my child.  Sometimes I literally feel like "Heidi" no longer exists, and she's been replaced by ", Mommy, Bill payer, Paralegal, Coworker." 

Ok, so for my first post I've laid out all my complaints.  Hopefully in the coming days, weeks, years, you will see how much I do love my life and especially my daughter.  And perhaps a mind or two will open up to the struggles of single parents, specifically those stuck in the "middle" in many areas of their life.

God's Blessings to all!!

Heidi